UHM (University of Hawaii at Monoa) is going to single handedly get me deported to Japan.  I went to the records office because I needed address verifications (a letter saying that my mailing address was such-and-such while attending UH) for my Hawaii addresses.  Simple, right?  Tenafly High School, Middle School, and Kei's college had no problems with that request.  I'm special though.  They told me, "We can only verify your most recent address."  I had MULTIPLE documents proving I used to live at these places, along w/ letters that UH had sent me to these places.  Did that matter to them?  NO.  Ok then... what about documentation proving that I used to reside in one of their dorms?  Nope.  "We can only verify your most recent address" is what I was told again.  Johnson Hall is a UH owned facility!!! I love how organized and logical my school is.  Anyway, if I'm shipped back to Japan in a crate barrel, it was nice knowing you all.  Eat lots of Krispy Kremes for me. 

It's been a long time since I've written here, so here's a quick update on my life:

1. Sue Jean visited me for 10 days, and Honolulu's a lot less fun now that she's left me again for NJ.  She was here for just 10 days, and I gained 5 pounds making just a half-hearted effort trying to keep up with her eating..that's a pound every 2 days.  If she moved her permanently, I could fill in for the good-year blimp next year.  Anyway, she's her usual great self, and she has a very cool bf who loves 24 and watches 'Friends'.  I forgot to ask her his opinion on coffee and Krispy Kreme...but a person with such good taste in TV shows can't have a negative opinion on such an important subject. 

2.  I've been ready to go out for about 40 minutes, but Atsushi's glued himself to the other computer. 

3.I quit Kiwami.  It took me 4 months, but I was finally able to put in my notice.  I'm now employed at Keo's.  I've heard great things about my fellow co-workers from my current boss....(a.) I shouldn't hang out with them after shifts because it's a fast route to an ice/meth addiction (b) I need to check every bill they give me, because they'll probably try to tell me they gave me $100 when they only gave me $50 (c) I don't need to worry about sexual harassment from the main manager because he's gay...she didn't say anything about the other 4 male managers. 

4. They're still processing my green card papers.  They need a document to go along w/ every second of my life so that they know that I wasn't planning some coup to over throw the US government.  I'm not sure they know who they're dealing with.  They're wasting a lot of tax dollars making sure that I'm not a terrorist when I'm like 30 IQ points short of ever being smart enough to overthrow anything bigger than a local lemonade stand run by some cub scouts.  Unless the Pentagon has a 24 hour-free coffee and Krispy Kreme bar, I'm not even sure how interested I am.  As far as the papers go, my mom is trying to get all of the documents together to prove that my parents are legally married, and that I'm their legitimate child... I'm going to have a lot of personal issues I'm going to have to work out if my mother is unable to prove this.  (I always knew I resembled no one in my family.)

5. I've been ready to go out for the last 1 hour, but Atsushi's eyes are still fixed onto the computer. If I were some high maintenance gf, I'd be shrieking in his ear, but I've settled with whining in my xanga. 

6. I want coffee.  I might be slightly addicted. 

7. Atsushi's still on the computer. 

It seems I have a stalker.  Actually, she's not technically MY stalker.  She's Atsushi's stalker who decided that I am what has prevented her from engaging in what was to be the epic romance of her life.  I hate to burst bubbles, but seeing as Atsushi--who I am assuming was an integral part of her deranged quixotic tableau--never showed any intention of doing any engaging of romance with her, I fail to see what exactly it is that I came in the way of.  She has partaken in a series of very strange behavioral patterns:

1) obsessive emailing of both myself and Atsushi (both of us have subsequently blocked her email...which by the way comes from an account entitled "cutie_angel_pie22"...so we're not sure if her emails are still at an obsessive rate)

2) the meaningful relationship that she and Atsushi apparently shared keeps escalating with each telling.  In reality what happened was that she saw him for very first time when I was working and he came in to eat.  After he left, since she asked me for his number....I didn't give it to her because you don't just randomly give out your friends' cell number to strange girls who wear more eye make up than Joan Rivers.  She left an email address for him--which I dutifully delivered--and he told her he wasn't interested in dating...now that's what ACTUALLY happened.  According to her: In July she said that I knew that she liked him, but I took him anyway.  In August, she said that I knew that they were dating and I stole him away.  In September or October that escalated once again to they were about to be engaged and I stole her would-be-fiance away from her.

3) she ran towards me one time and hit my knee with what looked like a very expensive purse....then she ran away.  I'm not quite sure what the purpose of that was.  I hope her purse is ok. 

4) She keeps telling me that I'm tiny so I should be more careful how I treat her.  For her information, I'm NOT tiny.  I'm a good 158.12 cm tall, and my constant consumption of all junk food within a 1 mile radius of me has assured that there is plenty of fat per every cm of height that I have.  (No I will not list my weight here.) I suppose in comparison to her 5'6 or 7 frame, 5'2 does not seem all that large. But I'm a very hardy 5'2, and have survived 22.5 years through numerous accidents caused by my klutziness and inability to effectively apply spatial reasoning in my life....I am thinking in particular of the incident in which my father's car found itself crunched up against a wall when I happened to be driving....or the skiing accident where the tree ran into me....or the time I wasn't paying attention while swimming laps and I swam at a fairly fast pace head first into the cement wall....  A few more Gucci or Fendi purses thrown my way shouldn't kill me off. 

Thankfully, she's returning to California next week.   So ends my first real experience with a stalker.  Even though she is technically Atsushi's stalker, I figure I can refer to her as 'my stalker' because she spent almost as much time telling me that I am the living paradigm of evil as she did telling Atsushi that he's God's gift to us lesser mortals on earth.  More specifically, God's gift to her whom through my employment of numerous devious tactics I managed to purloin....hmMm....I wonder who I should sell the blockbuster rights to.

The ramen place I work did 15 minute yearly-reviews for everyone on the dining room staff.  I'm calling it a yearly review because I don't know what else to call it.  I've never heard of any other restaurant doing one.  It's basically 15 minutes where our OCD boss sits us down and tells us everything we need to fix.  I felt rather sorry for one of my co-workers who's 15 minute review stretched past 40 minutes.  I'm apparently supposed to fix the fact that my English is fluent and sounds American.  The English speaking kitchen staff can understand me, but the Japanese kitchen boss needs the English spoken in a more Japanese way.  I'm not sure how to respond to that. 

We also had to fill out self-evaluation forms to see how well we think that we're doing all of our duties.  I didn't know that one of my duties was to clean the AC ducts on the ceiling.  I'm glad that my boss is acknowledging my vast tallness, but even if I stand on one of the chairs I can't reach the ceiling.  Perhaps the next time, I'll climb over a customer and stand on the counter to clean the duct.  One of my co-workers kindly pointed out to me that he only needed to stretch a little to reach the duct.  I fail to see what the point of his demonstration was. 

It's been a really long time since the last time I wrote....I know I said that the last time, and probably the time before that...and while I'd like to promise here that my entry will begin with words other than "it's been a really long time" I don't think that that'll happen. 

For those of you in Jersey who have no idea how I'm faring on the other side of the country (and also for those of you in Hawaii who continually promise to call or show up to class and never do *Aya*):

1. I'm still really tall, and hoping to join my other tall friends on the east coast come December. 

2. Having a social security number's not all I had hoped it would be.  Yes, I can now work legitimately....but the $400+ that the government takes from me every month?  I want it back!

3.Today is probably the 9th or 10th consecutive day that I've seen a rainbow over Manoa, thus conclusively proving the equation that Jessica, Aria and Donna came up with when they visited me: Moisture in the air + Sunlight - Derron from that location = Rainbow.  (Note:When Derron came here, he kept glaring at every Hawaii licence plate that we happened to pass by because he said the "rainbow state" was false advertising. )

HmMm, I'm all out... one year hasn't changed me at all.  I have no new revelations or deeply thought out insights to share with you.  I do think though, that UH ought to knock out the Jamba Juice on Campus Center (who wants healthy drinks anyway?) and replace it with Krispy Kremes.   People should listen to my wisdom.